I’m currently working as a SAHM, housewife, blogger, op shop volunteer … you know, unemployed. Doesn’t sound quite as nice as Lady who Lunches, does it?
I had a great job that I loved until, well, I no longer loved it any more. I seized the opportunity to rethink my life. Time for a career change? Who am I? What do I want to do? Is my happiness and feeding my soul more important than my stress levels?
The answer to these questions is I am someone who wants to utilise her office management skills to run her own business, whilst working part time in a fashion industry role. Someone who believes that helping people look better on the outside to make them feel better on the inside is something pretty amazing. Someone who firmly believes that happiness – their own and that of the people they love and adore – is pretty much what life is all about. A career change is in order.
I have a small list of requirements:
- School hours – as much as possible
- School holiday flexibility
- Close to home
- Fashion industry – retail, styling, personal shopping
- Working with people
- Autonomous and team based
- I’d like to be paid
Unfortunately, these type of jobs are very thin on the ground, especially when my only retail experience is as an excellent shopper with years of experience, a Red Cross volunteer of some months’ experience, and working in the souvenir shop at my dad’s work in Christchurch, when I was a teenager.
So I’ve been scratching my head and thinking of all the things I’m good at, and I’ve come up with a few roles that I’d excel at. Or would I?
I’m serious. I actually enjoy laundry. I love the process of taking a big basket full of dirty laundry and producing clean, sweet smelling clothes. However, I can’t see anyone paying me to do their laundry and, ewwwww, I wouldn’t want to. OPK (other people’s knickers)? I don’t think so. Plus, I hate ironing and I think that might be an essential part of the service.
Bunny Wrangler / Trainer
Yup, again, I’m serious. We adopted a four year old male special needs bunny last year who wasn’t very well, wasn’t toilet trained and has no front teeth, so requires all his food to be whizzed in the blender. Bless him, he’d never seen grass before. I was warned by my vet and the research that I did indicated that he was unlikely to be toilet trainable at four years old and also extremely unlikely to bond with our existing four year old male bunny.
Not only is Mr Bunsy now toilet trained, he absolutely loves his BFF, Bolt. They have bonded to such an extent that they now share one hutch, instead of living in separate hutches. They’re so sweet, and spend all day together free ranging in the garden, stopping for frequent snuggles. Call me the Bunny Whisperer!
I’m also a top quality bunny groomer, with de-dagging a speciality. Trust me, if you don’t know what that means, you really don’t want to. I’m building up to using my specially purchased Wahl trimmer to give Bolt home Bunny Brazilians*, so I don’t have to pay the vet $40 every couple of months. Still a little bit nervous about this one. * See de-dagging.
I’ve been employed by one of my Gorgeous Girls to give her guinea pigs a pedicure. Unfortunately, I doubt this is going to be a hugely profitable revenue stream, although I will enjoy that cup of tea very much.
This was a suggestion made to me by a lovely Instagram friend, after she enjoyed the photos of Boyo’s recent birthday. Unfortunately, the party planning involved buying lots of paperware (environmentally unfriendly), far too much dodgy food (hazardous to health), and encouraging children to sit down to watch a DVD, whack the hell out of a piñata and eat more treats. Plus, I didn’t take the fall and actually won my round of bowling. Oh, and I don’t actually really like children en masse.
According to Boyo, I am the Best Mother in the World. That’s got to be worth something right? Unfortunately not. Apparently, every child believes their mama is the Best Mother in the World (and most of us berate ourselves for doing a terrible job when truth be told, we’re awesome!).
Far too late to be considering another kid too. Dear gods, can you imagine? So, nope, another dead end.
Musical Idiot Savant
I have an uncanny ability to find a “theme tune” for just about anything. Yup, one or three words and I’m off like a rocket, singing along and finding the perfect song. But, um, really? How on earth is that going to help the world? Or my income stream?
I also make up my own songs. Boyo has his very own version of Advance Australia Fair, which I made up during those endless baby days. Check it out! Yup, that’s going to generate billions of dollars. Not!
My name is Boyo Williams, I am a spunky boy
With curly hair and big blue eyes, trucks are my favourite toy
I love to dance and sing all day, I love to run and play
I’m very cute, I wear babysuits, bananas are my fruit
I’m very sweet, birds go tweet tweet, I have enormous feet.
Punny Double Entendre Maker
Think you’ve said something completely innocent? Nope, I’ll manage to find a double entendre and giggle like a school girl. I also excel at Dad jokes and exceedingly bad puns. Unfortunately, there are actual funny comedians out there, who can make people laugh just by raising an eyebrow. Me and my sad Dad jokes have no hope whatsoever.
Whilst I’m busy searching for the perfect part time fashion role, and setting up my Kimba Likes Styling business and being, you know, a general social media maven and blogger, I’m also busy beavering away doing all that stuff I was too busy to do when I was working, plus multitasking as a food stylist (I don’t really cook), cupcake baker, COO of the Williams Corporation Down Under branch, laundress, chief gift buyer and present sender, wife, hunter-gatherer, mother and homework supervisor. It’s kind of fun being a lady who lunches and a full time stay at home mother – with a child who is at school five days a week – but I’m ready to relaunch back into the real world now.
Let’s just keep our fingers crossed, and if you hear of anyone who needs a part time fashion retail assistant, give me a yell, ‘kay?
Have you had to update your CV recently? Any mad skillz that enhance your marketability? Trust me, you really don’t want to know what de-dagging is.