Kimba Likes Mindful Living

I’ve done a lot of reevaluating over recent months.  Call it a midlife crisis if you like – it very probably is.  I’m calling it an opportunity to think about things, to think where I want to be, where I’m going, what I’m doing, how I’m living, how I operate as a person.  Where my happiness comes from.  How I recharge my batteries.  Making sure I’m there for the people I love in the best way I can be.  Opening myself up to new opportunities and new friendships.

Kimba Likes Daily Treats was born out of this introspection.  So many of us, and not just women, spend their lives taking care of others and forgetting about themselves in the process.  Kimba Likes Daily Treats operates as a little daily reminder to remember how important you are to yourself as well as to all the people who love and depend upon you.  Click here to read more about #kimbalikesdailytreats and a big kiss to all the gorgeous people who are joining me in celebrating little special moments in every day life.  It fills me with delight, and it is my very own little daily treat!

I read an article by Nicole Madigan in Sunday Life Magazine recently about the cult of positivity and how it can actually have a negative affect, and how being mindful is a better way to operate. Being mindful is about doing things with purpose and realising that happiness and positivity isn’t the only desirable emotion and outcome. She posits that being “told the only way to move forward is to look on the bright side and be happy at all costs”.

From personal experience, receiving positive messages from people when they discovered I had miscarried Puggle’s twin (our bump nickname for Boyo) did not uplift me or make me feel happier about losing a baby.  I didn’t want to hear that it was “nature’s way” or that “life would be so much easier with just one baby”.  I wanted to mourn my lost baby, mourn my dream of having twins, mourn the little person who wouldn’t be in our family.  Being sad about losing a baby, and worried about how this would affect my pregnancy, wasn’t an emotion that should have been quashed.  In part, I believe this contributed to my “survivor’s guilt” depression.

It doesn’t mean positivity is a bad thing. Far from it.  Everyone needs their own personal cheerleader – whether it is in their own head or from supportive people in your life.  The author argues that by constantly pushing the cult of positivity, by forever being engaged in the pursuit of happiness, many worthwhile emotions are being quashed. Which actually makes people feel less empowered, positive and happy!

I believe it’s OK to be sad, to take the time to remember and reflect.  A balanced approach, where both the negatives and positives are taken into consideration, is ideal for me.

Nicole Madigan interviewed Lifecare counseller Susan De Campo who suggests an alternative – the Eastern philosophy of mindfulness.  To quote Susan De Campo “Mindfulness is about moment-to-moment awareness of present events and not resisting the reality of what ‘is’ at any given time.  It is an attitude of ‘it is what it is’.  This awareness is thought to lead to an ability to process challenging or unpleasant feelings in an effective and more functional way.”

This so inspired me that I’ve decided to look at various aspects of my life, such as eating, interacting, working, loving, friendship, exercise, parenting, my  marriage and familial relationships, and try to incorporate a Mindful Living approach to improve the way I live and love.

I’ve always been a Silver Lining Girl – nearly always able to look at a less-than-ideal situation and find something positive.  I think this helped to get me through spending most of my 30s with chronic illness.  This approach ties in beautifully with my new focus on living more mindfully.

Over the next few months, I plan to share my Mindful Living experiment and how I have incorporated living mindfully into my life.

Kimba Likes // a style blog with a fun family twist! @kimbalikes

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  • Lisa Mckenzie - 18 July 2013 - 5.29 pm

    I am so sorry you lost boyo’s twin,Kim-Marie I didn’t know that and yes it is ok to be sad.I agree with you about being positive but sometimes things just do get you down and you have to mourn losses. I get you Kim-Marie because I have lived with chronic illness for the last 20 or so years and it is normal to have down days,I find inner reflection and meditation and regrouping is in order then,to get back your mojo or whatever you want to call it .Also saviour the good and happy things we are so lucky to have.I used to look for tons of new clothes or bags or whatnots thinking they would make me happy ,you know the magic thing ,but I have realised they do not help and now I am at peace with myself and thankful for what I do have,Thanks for this post Kim-Marie.ReplyCancel

    • Kim-Marie Williams - 20 July 2013 - 6.57 am

      That’s exactly what I’m trying to achieve, Lisa. Constantly being positive and locking everything else away nearly gave me a nervous breakdown. I was lucky that I had people in my life who cared enough to tell me, plus I recognised it myself. I went to counselling when I was first diagnosed with chronic illness and went through a mourning process for the life I should be leading, if that makes sense. I was 32 with the pain levels and body issues of a 75 year old with rheumatoid. When I went into remission (this is quite rare apparently), I should have gone into counselling then, but I kept going for a year. I finally did so and it helped put everything into perspective. I don’t have to feel guilty for losing most of my 30s. I don’t have to feel guilty for being ill.

      I’m so thrilled that you are at peace and thankful. That’s amazing.ReplyCancel

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